Ruined Memories
by Frenchyviolin
Summary: Hazel thinks about Augustus parent's and visits Isaac


Augustus's parents divorced only a few months after his death. They both ended up moving away, his dad to Chicago near his daughters and grandchildren, and his mom somewhere else in the state. They couldn't handle the once good memories that are now all poisoned that this city held. I understand, but somehow I'm _angry_, like they broke a promise to _me_, even though they only broke eachother's promise.

"You know, it's like every corner we turn something reminds us of him. It makes sense because he grew up on these streets. But it becomes so difficult to handle and it seems like we are isolated in what was once good and innocent, and now makes everything inside you want to just give up." That's one of the last things his mom said to me that I can remember. Then they told me they would stay in contact and promised to come back for his birthdays. Didn't they stop to think maybe I wouldn't be alive by his next birthday?

I remember back after his funeral when I went to visit them, and I felt warm inside for a brief moment. My body was reacting to the sight of them holding hands, like they always had eachother no matter what. It made me think of my parents, and their promise to stay together after I died. Now his parents are _divorced_ – like it meant nothing. I silently pray to a god I don't believe in sometimes in hope my parents won't divorce.

What really ticked me off was the fact that they left their son behind. When I was talking to Augustus's mom, I felt this thing swelling up inside ready to explode. _You're leaving your only son behind with no parents to be with him?_ Then it hit again that they weren't leaving their son behind, but rather his rotten body. That's all that's left. Augustus's body.

Everything hurt. What was once the hometown of Augustus, Isaac, and I was now a city that was foreign. I didn't recognize it anymore. It was empty now, even with all these people, it wasn't the memories that poisoned me like his parents, but rather the emptiness that spoke the truth of my life. I was alone and I was better off that way. Well, maybe not me, but everyone else. Only pain was to hit them.

I went to Isaac's little ranch house next to the fancy private school. Standing outside the house, I didn't even knock. I just stood there in silence. I wasn't waiting. I don't know what I was doing to be honest. Graham eventually opened the door.

"Why are you just standing there?" He asked, in almost an annoying voice. I stared at him for a brief second thinking of what to say but Isaac yelled his name before I could speak. I followed him inside and sat next to Isaac who was on the couch. "Hi how are you?" I said, getting comfortable. "Just waiting on the German porn you promised." He responded, smiling. I laughed and then settled back into a serious mood. "How have you been occupying yourself, other than with blind games?" I asked. He sat there. I thought he was just searching for an answer, but he just skipped over that question. "Do you ever think about how lonely I'm gonna be after you die? I will have no one but my family. I know I sound selfish because at least I have that. I used to have more, though. A best friend and his girlfriend."

I felt so responsible for this. I didn't even actually think of that. "You talk like I AM already dead." I bring myself to say. I didn't want to directly acknowledge the loneliness he had. I didn't know how to, even though I was going through it to.

Isaac's voice got shaky and uneven. "Monica. God I loved her. Then she just left me." Talking to Isaac was like talking to a brick wall. We went over this a long time ago, when Augustus was alive. She really kind of had to breakup with him in a way. So I sat there quietly instead until I offered to take him somewhere. "His grave. Take me there." Isaac said almost immediately. _That's the last place I wanna go, _I thought, _You can't even see his grave. What's the point?_ But I didn't say anything about that. I talked to his mom and then we left.

It was sunset and warm. The grass was soft and the small breeze felt good. I helped Isaac sit down, next to Gus's gravestone. Then I sat up against it and put Phillip on my lap. Augustus was six feet below me. At least what was left of him. Isaac didn't talk and neither did I. I could tell he was in deep thought so I decided to drift away in it too.

I thought about everything. How his parents were nowhere near. How he would just lie in his grave while Indianapolis stood in the backdrop and grow up without him, how he would never walk on the streets again and enjoy the existence of beauty. How generations would pass and he would be lost in a sea of gravestones. How Isaac would grow old without us and remember the days of Gus and I until there was no more left to remember and so it became a broken record, replaying over and over again. Wondering if his parents were going to be buried there too. I started crying silently.

"_Because you're beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence."_

"_I bet you say that to all the boys who finance your international travel." _

"_You realize that trying to keep your distance from me will not lessen my affection for you,"_

"_I'm in love with you"_

"_Do you believe in an afterlife?"…"I believe forever is an incorrect concept."_

"_I lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace."_

"_You know what it looks like Isaac? It looks like all the hopes we were foolish to hope."_

"_I don't think I'm gonna make it to write you an obituary,"_

"_This is it. I can't even not smoke anymore."_

"_You used…to call me Augustus"_

"_The marks humans leave are too often scars."_

"_You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers."_

Then he just left. He slipped. He was just another dead person, not to me, but to the universe. I still remember everything, but the pleasure of remembering had been taken down six feet under with Augustus. I looked at Isaac, who was still thinking. I could hear the faint sound of cars on the streets down the hill that was Crown Hill cemetery. I was glad Isaac couldn't see me crying. He could hear me if my sniffles were loud enough. I thought more about Funky Bones and telling Augustus that he'd never be famous and the world wouldn't know his story. He did make the newspaper. The obituary, at least. It wasn't like anyone read it anyway. I scooted to the side of his gravestone and gently lay my head on the side of the marble. My lips barely touched it and I sort of hugged the gravestone like it was him. "It has been a privilege to have my heart broken by you." I whispered.


End file.
